A conversation with Dr. Yuxin Sun on love, family, and building a marriage between two worlds Dr. Yuxin Sun Many immigrant parents will tell you, with complete sincerity, "We don't care who you marry. We just want you to be happy." Then you bring someone home. Suddenly the questions start. Where is this person from? What do they do? What religion are they? Which family are they from? What languages do they speak? Do they understand our culture? And somewhere in the middle of

In many of our communities — Black communities, immigrant communities, faith communities — there is a quiet understanding that some things are not spoken about. Mental health is one. Suicide is another. And because we don't talk about it, people we love are suffering in silence. Some of them don't make it.

It happened on a Sunday morning and I swear I was NOT ready for it! There was a Sunday morning. I won't tell you exactly when — when I was standing at the bottom of the stairs, running late for church because I was the praise and worship leader and I absolutely had to be there before service started. My brothers, Mike and Matthew, were dragging their feet, and I heard myself yell up the stairs: "If you don't hurry up, I'm leaving you!" And I froze. Because that was not my voi

Your parents may never have said those three words directly. But you heard them — in every sigh, every sacrifice that became a ledger, every moment "after everything we've done for you" hung in the air. The Words That Were Never Said Out Loud They may never have sat you down and said it directly. But you heard it — in the way they recounted every sacrifice when you made a choice they didn't agree with. In the way their eyes filled with quiet disappointment when you prioritize

Immigrant Parents and their ideas of self-care

I just got off the phone with a friend who asked why I wasn't in bed yet. I have been trying to build a habit of going to sleep in a timely fashion but tonight has been a failure, between a restless mind and a kid who refuses to stay in his bed. I explained that I was trying to write but it felt like I was experiencing a block. I went on to explain that talking through writer's blocks often helps me through them. In talking about this, I realized I wasn't exactly experiencing

What language do you dream in? It’s a strange question, but stay with me. For many immigrants and children of immigrants, the answer isn’t simple. Maybe you speak one language with your parents, another at work, and a completely different one with your closest friends. Maybe you switch accents without even realizing it. Maybe you’ve become so good at reading the room that you instinctively know which version of yourself to bring into every conversation. And maybe… you’re exh

Starting out as a therapist can feel like stepping into a vast, sometimes overwhelming world. There’s so much to learn, so many skills to develop, and a deep responsibility to support others on their healing journeys. If you’re just beginning this path, you might be wondering where to turn for guidance. One of the best ways to build your foundation is through reading. Books offer insights, practical tools, and perspectives that can shape your approach and boost your confidenc

When the sacrifices are not enough and the empathy is missing… Phebe and Mama Ceci - Immigrant Daughters Being the first daughter can be one of the biggest honors in an immigrant daughter’s life. You get a seat at the coveted table. You get a say in most matters. You probably get first dibs on the meat in the post (after your father of course!). If you’re like me, you also got to boss your younger siblings around here and there. I am the oldest of 3. My two younger brothers a

If you grew up in an immigrant household, chances are you've heard some version of this sentence: "I sacrificed everything for you." Maybe it was said after a disagreement. Maybe it came up when you changed careers. Perhaps it appeared unexpectedly during a conversation that had absolutely nothing to do with sacrifice. You forgot to call your mother back and somehow you're now discussing events that took place before you were born. If you know, you know!As a therapist and an

"You've become too American." If you're a first- or second-generation immigrant, there's a good chance you've heard this phrase at least once. Maybe it was because you questioned a family rule. Maybe it was because you moved away. Maybe it was because you suggested therapy. Or maybe it was because you dared to say, "I don't think that's healthy." Suddenly, you're "too American." And every time I hear this, I have the same thought: Respectfully... you raised me here. The Ident

A conversation about immigrant parents, timelines, aunties, and the emotional Olympics of being single past 30 There are few questions more powerful in immigrant communities than: “So… where is your husband?” Not "Hello." Not "How are you?" Not “Would you like more rice?” It is straight to marital status. It doesn’t matter if you just earned a doctorate, bought a home, launched a business, raised emotionally intelligent children, or healed three generations of family trauma.

A love letter to immigrant kids chasing purpose… and the parents trying not to panic

A quick conversation on going to therapy as an immigrant

I love you, I just don't know how to say it

If you're like me, receiving an apology from your parent (especially your African parent) is not something you are used to. It probably...

Have I been in hiding? Absolutely! But for many great reasons. I was getting through my transracial adoption research and dissertation...

If you are an African immigrant like me, you probably grew up in a home full of books. That is one of the parts of growing up African...

Not seeing eye-to-eye is a normal part of relationships so arguing with your spouse is not far-fetched. However, arguments can quickly...

TOPICS COUPLES SHOULD DISCUSS BEFORE MARRIAGE Marriage is a sacred union between two people and can be a wonderful thing if you are with...