"Mommy, You Have an Accent!" What Our Kids See That We Don't
Based on the latest episode of Between Two Worlds with Dr. Phebe: "“Mommy you have an accent!”: Language, Identity & Bullying Through the Eyes of Immigrant Kids," with my two sons
Somewhere between the school drop-off line and the dinner table, my kids started noticing things about me. The way I say certain words. The way my parents say them. The way our house sounds different from the houses of their friends.
If you're raising children in a culture that isn't the one you grew up in, you may have heard it too: "Mommy, you have an accent!"
Two boys, one honest conversation
This week's episode is different from anything I've done before. I sat down with my two sons to talk about what it's like growing up Ghanaian-American: the language, the culture, and the small moments that remind a child they're "different."
I wanted to hear it from their side. As parents, we tend to talk about our children's experience. This time I asked them to tell me.
Fitting in versus being yourself
Underneath the humor of a child pointing out your accent is a serious question about belonging. Kids pick up very quickly on what makes them stand out, and they don't always have the words to explain how that feels.
In this conversation we talk about:
How language and accents shape the way children see themselves, and their parents
What bullying looks like through a child's eyes, which is often quieter and harder to name than we assume
Why belonging and emotional safety matter as much as grades and good behavior
How parents can listen when a child struggles to describe what is happening
We also take a moment to acknowledge the loss of Javitz Frimpong and why conversations like this one matter for our children.
Here's what I keep coming back to: our children shouldn't have to choose between fitting in and being themselves.
A few questions to sit with
What's something your child has noticed about your culture, your language, or your accent, and how did you respond?
When your child comes home quiet, how do you make space for them to tell you why?
Where might you be asking your child to blend in to stay safe?
What would it look like for your home to be a place where every part of who they are is welcome?
Listen...
If you're an immigrant parent, or the child of one, I'd love to hear what this brings up for you. 🎧
Listen to the full episode (37 minutes): "Mommy you have an accent!": Language, Identity & Bullying Through the Eyes of Immigrant Kids
Keep the conversation going
Missed the last few weeks? Catch up on "Things I Can Say Now That I'm a Grown Immigrant Daughter" and "The First Daughter Experience" with Khadija Layne, LMFT.
Send your questions, topic ideas, and sponsorship requests to consult@phebebrakolmft.com or find me on Instagram @drphebebrako. We can only grow this community with your support, so please share the episode with a parent or a young person who needs to hear it.
New episodes every Tuesday.
Comments